The Keyboard Warrior Guide: 10 Common Traits of a "Hardcore" MMA Fan

If you watch and enjoy the Ultimate Fighting Championship whenever it is on cable television, you are considered a "casual" fan, and likely identify the sport as simply "Ultimate Fighting." The casual fan enjoys the ultimate (no pun intended) evolution of combat, as commentator Joe Rogan frequently cites that "Martial Arts has evolved more in the years following 1993 than in the preceding 700 years." The casual fan appreciates that ALL methods and styles of combat are welcome, bar a few tactics (biting, hair-pulling, eye-gouging, etc.). The casual fan is familiar with the fighters in the UFC, whether the fan knows a fighter by name, or simply recognizes the fighter's face (and tattoos). More times than not, the casual fan is not familiar with too many fighters outside of the UFC, and is completely oblivious to the sport's community outside of the UFC.

The oblivion has its benefits and detriments. The primary detriment is the lack of broad understanding, namely in that the sport is NOT called "Ultimate Fighting." While the UFC deserves infinite credit for establishing and popularizing the sport on American soil (as well as in other countries), the sport's name is Mixed Martial Arts. Casual fans are not entirely at fault, because most media outlets and those completely unaware of the sport also improperly refer to the sport as "Ultimate Fighting" rather than "Mixed Martial Arts."

Another detriment is the unfamiliarity with faces outside of the UFC. While the UFC hosts a significant amount of the world's best, there are world-class fighters hosted elsewhere, and they unfortunately go unmentioned on ESPN and other media outlets. The world-class fighters who do NOT fight under the UFC's massive and impressive umbrella include Fedor Emelianenko, Nick Diaz, Gegard Mousasi, Melvin Manhouf, Shinya Aoki, Jake Shields, Mike Brown, Ronaldo "Jacare" Souza, Hayato "Mach" Sakurai, Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos, Tatsuya Kawajiri, Paulo Filho, Norifumi "KID" Yamamoto, Miguel Torres, Renato "Babalu" Sobral, Eddie Alvarez and Jason "Mayhem" Miller. The casual fans should Wikipedia the aforementioned, as the unawareness is a true detriment.

What isn't a detriment for the casual fans is the unfamiliarity with the world wide web-class keyboard warriors. Deeming themselves "hardcore" fans, the 8-finger fighters rule the Internet forums (namely Sherdog), and are often caricatures, rather than characters. The fanatics detest the casual fan base, but not nearly as much as they detest how huge the UFC grows (and borderline monopolizing) year by year. Although the "hardcore" community understands and love the entire sport, their signature views and butt-hurt rants are often jaded by the UFC for one reason or the other.

Therefore, and for the benefit of the casual fans, Qualculus. presents the ten prevalent views, signature catchphrases and the subjects of the keyboard warrior's butt-hurt rants. Of course, the author assumes the full risk of hand-to-keyboard black belts assaulting him with some of the same finger-attacks ripped apart in the list.

Casual fans are encouraged to use this list as a guide/disclaimer, especially if one decides (for one insane reason or the other) to jump into the MMA forum arena.

10. Dana White and the UFC killed PRIDE!
Nothing is more inaccurate, incorrect, inherently jaded and flat-out full of shit than this pitiful battle cry. Not all hardcore fans actually spout this hunk of rhetorical diarrhea, but the PRIDE Fighting Championships portion of the hardcore fans cling to the idea as much as right-wingers (according to President Soetoro) "cling to their guns and religion."

PRIDE killed themselves. They were in bed with the Yakuza, and once the reality of that affair surfaced in the media, television stations wanted nothing to do with PRIDE. Dana White and Zuffa (the parent company of the UFC and World Extreme CageFighting) purchased the assets and rights to PRIDE Fighting Championships, but their efforts to continue running the promotion (something the keyboard warriors often overlook) as an entity separate were futile. Dana White asserts "they don't want us there. They don't want me there."

Despite the lukewarm reception in Japan, PRIDE Fighting Championships WILL return in January... on television, anyway. Spike TV, the primary broadcasting home of the UFC, will begin airing the much-anticipated "Best of PRIDE" series. The series showcases the PRIDE battles involving current UFC fighters, along with the warriors (including Fedor Emelianenko) who are not currently waging war in the Octagon. The "Best of PRIDE" series will be a great source for the casual fans to learn more about the sport, specifically in familiarizing themselves with a few non-UFC fighters.



9. "Rickson by arm bar," and other random, irrelevant phrases.
Some phrases are actually really funny.... the first 100 times they were used. The phrases are used in a conversation when someone has absolutely nothing of value to contribute, and the phrase is more of a "look at me" mechanism. But, "Rickson by arm bar" is the most popular irrelevant phrase.

The phrase is in homage to Rickson Gracie, who is (arguably) the best Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practitioner in the entire Gracie Jiu-Jitsu family. The phrase references the result of Rickson's two fights against pro-wrestler Nobuhiko Takada in PRIDE Fighting Championships; Rickson submitted Takada in the first round via arm bar at PRIDE.1 and PRIDE.4.

The use of the phrases is not necessarily a bad thing, by any means. The use is just incredibly annoying, and (more times than not) makes absolutely no sense to the topic of conversation.



8. "LOL TUF SUX! LOL!"
Because nothing proves someone is an informed and "real" MMA fan more than dogging a show that introduced Forrest Griffin, Diego Sanchez, Kenny Florian, Mike Swick, Josh Koscheck, Marcus Davis, Rashad Evans, Joe Stevenson, Ed Herman, Nate Diaz, Manvel Gamburyan, Joe Lauzon, Gray Maynard, George Sotiropoulos, Matt Brown, Jesse Taylor, Effrain Escadero, Eliot Marshall, Krzysztof Soszynski, James Wilks and Roy "Big Country" Nelson to the mainstream audience.

The show is guilty of showcasing the antics and egos of Chris Leben, Junie Browning, Jeremy May, Mac Danzig, Michael Bisping, Kalib Starnes, Richie Hightower and War Machine. The show also committed the nearly-unforgiveable crime of showcasing Gabe Ruediger. Despite the guilt and unspeakable crime of Gabe Ruediger, the positives outweigh the negatives: the audience learns about hungry, aspiring fighters like Rashad Evans and Roy Nelson, and the show completely dispels the myth that ANYONE can compete in Mixed Martial Arts. The show demonstrates the intensive physical regimen and training necessary for survival in the complex sport. Most importantly, the show demonstrates the importance of the mind in sports. The mind is especially important in Mixed Martial Arts; if a fighter isn't mentally prepared, the fighter will break during a fight, and will lose. On the other hand, a fighter who can train his/her mind as well as his/her body and technique will not break during the fight, and has the best chance of winning.

The in-house antics are MTV-ish, but it also proves that fighters are just like everyone else: HUMAN. The keyboard warriors would do some of the same exact things, if they were in the same situation. The situation is complete isolation for an entire month, as 16 fighters live in a house, and have absolutely no contact whatsoever with anyone outside of the house and the gym. No friends, no family and no significant others. Pretty easy to criticize behind a keyboard.

The show also reinvigorated the careers of Patrick Cote, Scott Smith, Chris Lytle and Matt Serra. Most importantly, it produced Forrest Griffin vs. Stephan Bonnar I, considered by many as the greatest UFC fight of all-time. The fight, along with the series, is also credited as one of the reasons why the sport finally gained mainstream acceptance in America.

Yeah, the Ultimate Fighter definitely "sux," huh?

7. UFC should co-promote w/ M-1 & prove there the best!
Believe it or not, some hardcore MMA fans can't distinguish between "there," "their" and "they're." Shocking!

Common business-sense is not a strong point for the keyboard warriors either, as they feel the biggest promotion in all of Mixed Martial Arts should share half of its profits and advertising with a completely unknown company who (aside from Gegard Mousasi) only offers ONE fighter in Fedor Emelianenko.

The proposition gets even better, as said company offers to help advertise and book venues for the MMA giant, even though the upcoming M-1 "Breakthrough" event wasn't recognized/approved by the California State Athletic Commission (CSAC), and was promptly moved to a 4,000 seat arena in Alabama. Yes, the UFC definitely needs help booking venues and advertising by a completely unknown company!

Of course, the co-promotion fiasco is the exact reason Fedor unfortunately isn't fighting in the octagon, despite the offer of big money, completely Sambo freedom and full permission for Fedor to wear as much M-1 Global swag as he wished on all broadcasts.

But, if you ask the warriors, the biggest Mixed Martial Arts promotion in the world needs to prove "there the best" to a promotion who can't even book a steady event on American soil.


6. BJ lost because....
BJ Penn is the greatest Lightweight the sport will ever see. This isn't sensationalist, opinionated journalism. This isn't journalism period! BJ's career in the Lightweight division more than supports the claim, and the rest of his career will support the claim.

However, BJ Penn is also the subject of endless excuses from the hardcore fan base. BJ has lost to Jens Pulver, Lyoto Machida, Georges St.-Pierre and Matt Hughes... and fans have an explanation for every single loss. Jens Pulver wasn't the better fighter that night; BJ was a victim of not being prepared. Lyoto Machida wasn't the better fighter that night; BJ was just outsized, even though he was on a world tour of every weight class (bar Heavyweight) without criticism. Matt Hughes wasn't the better fighter that night; BJ just wasn't properly conditioned, and thus, couldn't overcome Matt Hughes' farm boy strength. Georges St.-Pierre wasn't the better fighter on either night; BJ just wasn't properly conditioned, and/or Pierre's grease gave him an unforgettable beating, a concussion and completely wore him out.

To be fair, fans can make a case for the second loss to St.-Pierre, as the grease indisputably disadvantaged some of BJ's world-class Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu techniques. But, Georges St.-Pierres' gloves were not lubed up with grease when he was punching BJ so badly in the face for 4 rounds that BJ cannot remember the fight.

Fighters lose, no matter how good or bad they are. Excuses aren't necessary for a loss. A great fighter is occasionally not the better fighter on some nights, which is what forces that same fighter to come back better than ever. BJ came back from the second loss to Georges St-Pierre, and submitted Kenny Florian in the fourth round at UFC 101: Declaration.

That is exactly what makes BJ Penn a great fighter, and the greatest Lightweight fighter the sport will ever see.


5. Dana White is greedy, and only cares about making money!
Every time someone utters this, the world's smallest violins are heard playing somewhere off in the distance. Right off the bat, calling someone "greedy" is one of the most cowardly things one will ever hear, and is a common trait of the modern "girly man." In addition, lambasting someone as "greedy" is a Socialist/Communist trait. Any individual in any industry who can make a lot of money, especially in the current economy, deserves praise and respect. The praise and respect should pay tenfold, if the individual makes money off something he/she is very passionate about.

Dana has made ship loads of cash off the UFC, but has worked tirelessly to legalize the sport in the United States, and the sport is now legal in (approximately) 39 of the 50 United States. If his efforts continue to succeed, New York will finally legalize Mixed Martial Arts, and an event in Madison Square Garden would be monumental for the sport.

Yes, Dana White is the brash owner who puts his foot in his mouth from time to time, unnecessarily trashes world-class talent not under the UFC's umbrella and uses the word "fuck" more than any Rapper ever will. But, who else works to establish the sport in the United States, as well as in England, Ireland, Canada and other Countries (including Mexico) in the future?

The efforts makes money, and rightfully so. But, the sport as a whole will benefit from Dana and the Fertittas' efforts of further legalization and mainstream acceptance.


4. Everything is better in Japan.
Ironically, Japanese wrestling fans also have this attitude. Whether it is the ring, the rules or the Superbowl-like presentation, some of the hardcore community's most elite keyboard warriors wants everyone to believe EVERYTHING about the sport is better in Japan.

They couldn't be any more wrong. Mixed Martial Arts in Japan and Mixed Martial Arts in America are apples and oranges.

But, both taste delicious, so why pick one over the other? Enjoy both.


3. LOL, your a TUF n00b!
One of the signature responses from an 8-finger fighter, if they read something they don't agree with. Other signature responses include "ROFL your a UFC nuthugger," and the always intellectual "how does Dana's nuts taste in yer mouth OMG LOL."

Again, you'll notice "your" was used rather than "you're." Some of the World Wide Web's Undisputed Keyboard Heavyweight Champions of the entire Galaxy have as much difficulty distinguishing between "your" and "you're" as much as they do "there," "their" and "they're." Most human beings learn how to distinguish between these forms in the second grade, but never underestimate these humanoids' willingness and inclination to check his/her brain out of the equation to trash someone they disagree with.

In short, talking to those who use such responses is as effective as the short-lived Cash for Clunkers program.


2. Brock Lesnar (& other Pro Wrestlers) is bad for the sport!!
Brock Lesnar has (at least) one thing in common with Kazushi Sakuraba, Dan Severn, Ken Shamrock, Josh Barnett, Naoya Ogawa, Don Frye, Tank Abbott, Kevin Randleman, Oleg Taktarov, Frank Shamrock, Katsuyori Shibata, Mark Coleman and Bob Sapp: they have all wrestled professionally. The only difference is, Brock Lesnar is guilty of being one of the biggest and most successful names in pro-wrestling history. Because Brock is a former WWE and IWGP Heavyweight Champion, he is far guiltier than Josh Barnett, who is often and specifically introduced as "a pro wrestler" in fight introductions.

The biggest gripe fans have with Lesnar is his showmanship, nevermind the fact that the sport has been littered with and partially survives off charismatic fighters. While fighters like Tito Ortiz, Pat Smith, Kimo, Georges St.-Pierre, Shinya Aoki and Yoshihiro Akiyama are given a pass, Lesnar is still hated. While knocking your company's sponser is never the brightest of ideas, his personality, attitude and skills puts asses in the seats, eyes in front of the TV, interests the media in the sport and makes money. Moreover, Lesnar is one of the up-and-coming fighters who are rejuvenating the UFC's Heavyweight division, which has always been very, very dry and in need of depth.

Wrestlers are arguably some of the most dominant competitors in Mixed Martial Arts, and Lesnar is a proven world-class amateur wrestler. Lesnar's stand-up game is suspect, but so is Matt Hughes', and yet Hughes is one of the most dominant champions of all-time. Anyone who overlooks and doubts Brock Lesnar's capabilities as a fighter isn't thinking, or is just completely jaded that a pro-wrestler is having a lot of success in only five fights thus far.

Ironically, a pro-wrestler headlined and put butts in the seat for the first PRIDE Fighting Championships event, as Nobuhiko Takada fought Rickson Gracie. Takada also headlined PRIDE.4, competed in the 2000 World Grand Prix and remained a permanent figurehead in the promotion after retirement. I guess pro-wrestlers weren't bad for the sport then, were they?


1. Fedor is teh best fighter ever! Nobody can beat him. NOBODY!!
Fedor Emelianenko's status as the #1 Heavyweight in the world is unquestionable. During his tenure in PRIDE Fighting Championships, Fedor beat a who's-who of Heavyweights in the sport, and never lost the Heavyweight crown. As of this writing, Fedor also holds 7 victories over 5 former UFC Heavyweight Champions.

However, Fedor is as adored, idolized, worshipped and deified by the hardcore fanbase as Michael Jackson suddenly is again by the media. In listening to the fanbase, one would think Fedor is Kryptonian, walks on water, can turn water in wine and levitates at will. Anyone who dares to even slightly question the holy Fedor risks an e-Crucifixion, a barrage of the aforementioned keyboard warrior remarks and ironic accusations of "nut-huggery."

Fedor will go down in Mixed Martial Arts history as one of the best ever, but the keyboard warriors' insistance on citing him as the all-time best because of his barely-blemished record is futile. If competing without a blemish in fighting measures the all-time greatest, then Rocky Marciano and Jimmy Barry would be ranked above Muhammad Ali and Joe Louis. If having blemishes on one's record disqualified them from all-time best consideration, then Anderson Silva, Georges St.-Pierre, Miguel Torres and BJ Penn wouldn't be considered for a second.

Legitimate defeat remains to be seen, but Fedor is not invincible, and can be defeated. Mark Hunt and Andrei Arlovski have "humanized" the Last Emperor, and a world full of hungry Heavyweights are salivating at an opportunity to humanize Fedor.

If defeat ever comes, every Mixed Martial Arts forum will likely implode.

Nazism & Hitler: The Trite, Alluring Buzzword Concepts

buzz·word (bŭz'wûrd')

n.
1. A word or phrase connected with a specialized field or group that usually sounds important or technical and is used primarily to impress laypersons.
2. A stylish or trendy word or phrase.

In the essay "Politics and the English Language," English author George Orwell analyzes and chastises society's use of buzzwords. Orwell cites the convenience of using buzzwords, and specifically castigates the convenience. According to Orwell, the big problem with the convenience lies in the individual using the ideas and phrases of someone else. As a result, one is either unwillingness or incapable of creating and using his/her own phrase and idea. Just borrowing an idea and phrase from someone else involves no real thinking or creativity, and thus, is an incredibly lazy use of a rhetorical device.

The predominant rhetorical device used in the wacky world of "politics" is the buzzword. While the three rhetorical appeals (logos, pathos & ethos) are also equally implemented by politicians, the buzzword is as irresistible as an orgasm to both politicians and citizens. Granted, some politicians and citizens think for themselves, but others use whatever buzzword is trendy, the most impressive and best portrays a group in a negative light.

The most common buzzword, in all of its different uses and variations, revolves around one man: Adolf Hitler. Because Germany's head of state is responsible for some of mankind's vilest atrocities, he is the very best and most popular platitude for a group and/or spokesperson to use in maiming and demonizing their opposition. Whether it is a protester from the left or right, or the botox barracuda named Nancy Pelosi, the calculable method of dismissing and demonizing detractors is to call them a Nazi, compare them to Hitler or flirt with the idea of socialism and/or totalitarianism. After all, the opposition is as vile and as atrocious as Hitler for disagreeing with one's point of view, right? Such a stinging platitude!

But, the platitude no longer maims and stings as much as it did decades ago. Invoking imagery of Hitler and Nazism is trite and mediocre. The imagery is entirely ineffective, boldly farcical and demonstrates a complete lack of wit, thought and creativity. Buzzwords with Hitler-related imagery are cliché, arid and stunt the intellect and credibility of a user's opinion. Isn't it high time to retire the Hitler buzzwords?

Or, is society complacent with mediocrity, predictability and banality?

Apart from the inevitable conclusion, I was wrong in my Ali/Wepner metaphor.

(does this remind you of another famous, iconic image of a certain iconic Boxing legend?)

After dropping him twice, Anderson Silva sent Forrest Griffin crashing to the mat one final time for the win. In only three minutes and 23 seconds of the first round, the final crash was amazing, propelled by merely a right jab while Anderson was backing up. Upon crashing, Forrest put a hand up, signaling he had enough.

Therefore, I was largely wrong in envisioning Silva vs. Griffin as MMA's equivalent of Muhammad Ali vs. Chuck Wepner. Forrest Griffin never put Anderson in danger, and never had a chance to go the distance; Wepner went the distance, and shocked the world when he sent Ali down on his ass in the 9th round. But, Ali inevitably came back, and sent Wepner down for good in the 15th and final round. I was right in envisioning Silva's win as inevitable as Ali's win, and right in envisioning Griffin and Wepner as epitomizing the every man who never quit, but I was wrong in envisioning Forrest Griffin taking Anderson Silva to the distance.

However, I was nowhere near as wrong as the audience, as well as the Internet community. Instantanenously, the audience changed their tune regarding Silva, as they initially booed him during his entrance and introduction. The response from most of the Internet MMA community was similarly faster than the speed of light, as they are now back riding the Anderson Silva bandwagon, and agree with Dana's White assessment of Silva as the "Pound-for-Pound Best Fighter in the World."

But, Anderson Silva never lost his status as the Pound for Pound Best. In his last two Middleweight fights, he was showcasing his ability to toy with opponents and end a fight whenever/however he wants. How many fighters can do that!?

As for Forrest Griffin? The keyboard warriors were judging and criticizing him for running out of the cage immediately after his defeat. Forrest is known to be distressed in defeat, whether it is humbly criticizing his own performance (after the split-decision loss to Tito Ortiz), or crying uncontrollably (after being knocked out by Keith Jardine). All fighters handle defeat differently, but most share one thing: passion. Agony accompanies that level of passion when a fighter experiences defeat. Whether a fighter humbly accepts or reacts emotionally, it is only natural, and any criticism from fans is completely unwarranted. As Frank Trigg says, "anyone who criticizes Forrest Griffin has never been passionate about anything in their life." Forrest will bounce back regardless, because he is a true fighter, and cannot be permanently broken by defeat.

But, several of those finger-tapping warriors consider the defeat embarassing, specifically in the way Forrest lost. Sure, the short arm jab may not have looked as visually "strong" as a dynamite-stacked high kick to the head or a Chuck Liddell swinging knock out of ultra-death, but it was damn impressive, and certainly not embarassing. The fact Anderson can land such a devistating blow in defense while merely backing up is much more amazing and calculated than the C4-explosive high kick or the dialed-up OhMyGawd knock out of uber-violent death. Don't get me wrong, I like explosive endings as much as the next viewer, but Anderson Silva's technique and skill is out of this world. Anyone who still questions or doubts Anderson Silva is a fool.

The biggest question is, how is losing to a man who is the best in the world AND one of the elite strikers in the game... in any way, embarassing? When Forrest Griffin retires, he will be able to look back at his career, and tell people that he fought some of the very best fighters in the history of the sport.

Win, lose or draw, Forrest Griffin has absolutely nothing to be embarassed about.

Besides, everybody loses to Anderson Silva. If Mixed Martial Arts were an Arcade video game tournament, it'd be Super Street Fighter II Turbo, and Anderson Silva would be Akuma. The reason? As David Sirlin explains, "most characters in that game cannot beat Akuma. I don’t mean it’s a tough match—I mean they cannot ever, ever, ever, ever win... his air fireball move is something the game simply wasn’t designed to handle. He is not merely the best character in the game, but is at least ten times better than other characters."

While Akuma is banned from use in U.S. competition, Anderson Silva cannot be stopped. He has as much control over when/how to end a fight as he does over when to retire from competition.

Anderson Silva vs. Forrest Griffin: Trial by Fire

Tonight at UFC 101: Declaration, UFC Middleweight (185 lbs.) Champion Anderson "the Spider" Silva revisits the Light Heavyweight (205 lbs.) division to challenge Forrest Griffin. This is Silva's toughest fight to date, as he enters the Octagon against a former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion. If fighting a former champion isn't enough, he's also fighting one of the toughest contenders in the entire division! Forrest Griffin's toughness shines through his iron-clad fight-to-the-death will, as he specifically and repeatedly vows "I will never be broken... and I will never quit." His toughness is matched only by his legendary conditioning, of which UFC Hall of Famer Randy Couture (also legendary for conditioning) famously remarked "(Forrest) is the hardest worker in training... I literally have to throw him out... and I crawl out of the gym after training with him." Forrest Griffin personifies "fortitude" and "challenge."

Silva faces such a tough contender, off the heels of two dissapointing and hotly-criticized outings. Though successful in defending the Middleweight crown AND cementing a UFC record 9-fight win streak, his defense against Patrick Cote (in November 2008 at UFC 90) ended in the 3rd round, due to Cote's freak right-knee injury. Silva's latest defense against Thales Leites (in April 2009 at UFC 97, ironically named "Redemption") ended in a highly uneventful unanimous decision, which Dana White remarked, "I have never been completely embarassed of a main event until tonight; I apologize." Although Anderson didn't lost a single round against Cote and Leites, the walking highlight reel of devistating knock-outs and submissions desperately needed a change.

Anderson Silva, who Dana White still maintains is "the Pound-for-Pound Best Fighter in the World," needed to be challenged. Seriously challenged. Although Cote is/was a very respectable competitor within the division, he was not prepared for Anderson Silva, who completely outclassed Cote for three straight rounds. Cote at least (carefully) engaged the champion, whereas Leites did not fight like a hungry challenger at all. When Leites wasn't deliberately falling to the mat, in futile hopes of engaging Anderson on the ground, he was merely at the mercy of the very bored Middleweight emperor. The mercy sent a message loud and clear to Dana White and UFC matchmaker Joe Silva: I am talented enough to decide when this fight ends, and how I want it to end.

Fortunately, White and Silva received the message. With four fights left on his current contract, and a public desire to box Roy Jones, Jr., Anderson Silva intends to retire on a monumental note. Beating Forrest Griffin silences critics, who believe his last two fights have somewhat tainted his image. Critics also believe Anderson has lost the motivation and the passion that solidified him as an all-time great, but rarely analyze in-depth the two prior challenges (or lack thereof).

But, silencing the critics is not a major concern, as beating Forrest Griffin achieves a feat rarely achieved: successful competition (regardless of a belt or not) in three different weight classes. In only his 6th fight, Anderson Silva won the high-regarded Japanese Shooto Welterweight (168 lbs.; now known as Middleweight) Championship from the legendary Hayato "Mach" Sakurai. Later in 2003, while fighting in Cage Rage and PRIDE Fighting Championships, Anderson graduated to the Middleweight division. During the initial pursuit, Anderson won the Cage Rage Middleweight Championship, and left Cage Rage undefeated (save for a questionable disqualification loss to Yushin Okami) with three defenses. Upon entering the UFC's Middleweight division, Silva's domination has been unprecedented. Silva completely cleared out the Middleweight division, and hints that he could also impact the Light Heavyweight division.

Silva hummed the first hint in July 2008, KO'ing (former) Light Heavyweight contender James Irvin in only one minute.

Tonight, Anderson intends to yell the next hint, at the expense of Forrest Griffin. Most expect Forrest Griffin to lose, much like nobody gave Chuck Wepner (the main inspiration for the "Rocky" movie series) a rabbit's chance in a Lion's den against Muhammad Ali in 1975. Wepner shocked the entire world when he sent Ali crashing to the mat in the 9th round. Although Wepner lost the fight in the 15th and final round by TKO, the amazing effort cripples the test of time.

Will Forrest Griffin embody a modern-day (but more successful) MMA equivalent of Chuck Wepner, or will he surpass Wepner and beat an all-time great?

Will Anderson Silva enhance his win-steak record to 10 wins and begin the twilight of his career on a high note, or will Forrest Griffin prove that Anderson Silva belongs solely in the Middleweight division?

The Health Care Reform Protest Business

When I think of how Republicans and Democrats operate in America, I draw striking similarities to pro-wrestling, and believe both sides are avid pro-wrestling fans. In pro-wrestling, you have a face ("good" guy) and a heel ("bad" guy) "wrestling" one another, for one slab of dramatic reasoning or the other. They are "wrestling" not for sport, but specifically for an audience. See, the idea is to put on a show, rather than engage in Martial Art. The maneuvers executed are pre-arranged and rehearsed, because both sides not only want to protect one another in execution, but to ensure they can "wrestle" (and thus make more money) again. The key ingredient to making money is convincing the audience of the match's "authenticity"; the face and heel have to sell (convince) the "authenticity" of the drama, tension and worth of the "wrestling," or else no money is made. Granted, there are some spectators who know it's not authentic, but there's also the demographic who believe what they're seeing is authentic. Those who realize it's not authentic also realize the face and the heel are friends before and after the show; they understand the face and the heel are "wrestling" to make money off one another, and to make sure they can come back for more matches (and thus more) money. Despite this realization, they still enjoy the spectacle.

Whether it's elected officials or fat-mouthed talking heads, those in politics are clearly pro-wrestling fans; the show they put on for the public is not much different from pro-wrestling. The politicians and fat-mouthed talking heads aren't really at each other's throats, because they're all making money from this supposed "feud," and the public is buying it. While the elected officials and fat-mouthed talking heads are clearly huge pro-wrestling nuts, the biggest nuts are the spectators. While some spectators are casual fans, the biggest fanatics are those who follow the show, organize, protest and rally. The Vietnam War was protested. Bill Clinton lying under oath was protested. Every single thing George W. Bush did, whether it was invading Iraq or taking a shit in peace, was protested. Now, the impending Health Care reform agenda from President Barry Soetoro is (you guessed it) protested. The current crop of protesters are (depending on who you ask) either a "grass-roots movement" spurned by "patriots" and "great Americans"... or "radicals," "extremists" and/or "domestic terrorists."

As a Libertarian, I sympathize with the protestors, and strongly subscribe to Thomas Jefferson's theory that "government which governs least governs best." I even wanted to participate in the movement, but I do not agree with the approach Health Care reform protesters are taking. Instead of questioning politicians in a respectful but matter-of-fact manner, the rhetoric suggests they are acting the same way Vietnam War protesters and Iraq War protesters did: screaming, yelling and overall reacting like complete Neanderthals who fell off the Brooklyn Bridge and landed straight on their heads. While not all protestors act like this, there's a portion significant enough to harm their efforts. If they actually think an approach like that will dissuade government elected officials from embracing the current proposals, then they're not really thinking at all. Sure, they accomplish their task of making elected officials feel pressure and hear their point of view. But, will the elected officials actually be dissuaded, or think to themselves "what a bunch of imbeciles," and move forward with the agenda? Is it more important to be heard, and thus feel good, or is it more important to effectively persuade? In an age of the Internet, which provides an endless supply of information, is taking time out of one's day to yell and scream really an effective technique of dissuasion?

The amusing part is, the same people who are yelling and screaming about Health Care reform were likely criticizing the manner in which some protested the Iraq War, even though both manners are nearly identical. While the message reached some, the enraged messengers looked about as intelligent, informed, persuasive and credible as a season of "Daisy of Love." Now, if you question an enraged Health Care reform protester's approach, they justify their unnecessary behavior with something along the lines of "people are angry with the politicians who don't listen to and care about us," or "this is America; we don't want Socialism!" But, a child reacts to something they don't like, with the same anger and uncontrollable emotion that some protestors do; an adult is supposed to know better than to act like that. Moreover, if a politician wasn't listening before, they're certainly not going to start, in light of someone acting like a child. George W. Bush's administration didn't listen to Iraq War protesters, and I'm guessing the Socialist Joker's administration won't either. Instead, Soetoro will cock his head to the side, ask "why so serious," and do exactly what he intended.

If you don't like something, question it! But, question it with intelligence, facts and maturity. Screaming and yelling at Town Hall meetings or in the streets isn't going to accomplish anything but making the protesters look like complete jackasses, and they look no better than the Iraq War protestors. This behavior only fuels the opposition's rhetoric, and anyone who follows politics knows that rhetoric is a weapon deadlier than the flying guillotine.
Of course, the protester's favorite rhetorical weaponry (or rather, device) is the "buzzword"; "Fascist" (among other things) was the rhetorical sword wielded by peace-loving war protesters, and "Socialist" is the mighty sword protesters today wield. But, while a sword can puncture and draw blood, an even mightier sword awaits to defeat the wielders.

And sometimes, Shaolin Kung Fu awaits, which possesses the technique a normal swordsman can't outwit.







Oh and give President Clinton the credit he deserves for bringing the two reporters home from North Korea. It's time to get over the decade-old blow job and rim job he received. It's not the first time a married man got some action on the side, and Clinton certainly wasn't the first President to get some extracurricular service.

Shattering the Glass Ceiling: Carano & Santos fight for Equality on 8/15

On June 10th, 2006, Gina Carano began fighting for women's place in United States Mixed Martial Arts competition. After earning an impressive 12-1-1 record in Muay Thai competition, "Conviction" knocked Leiticia Pestova out in 38 seconds in Nevada's first sanctioned Women's MMA bout. 6 fights later, Carano is undefeated, continues to crack the glass ceiling for women in Mixed Martial Arts and is an inspiration for aspring women mixed martial artists. The efforts are monumental enough that Carano is touted in the media and within the MMA community as "the face of Women's Mixed Martial Arts."

But, Christiane Santos is ready to test and rearrange Carano's pretty face on Saturday, August 15th, 2009. Universally known as "Cyborg," the Brazilian-born Santos began honing her craft in Curitaba, Brazil in 2005. After treating SmackGirl (a Japanese women's MMA promotion) fighter Hitomi Akano like a punching bag on April 11th, 2009, the up-and-coming StrikeForce promotion finally gives the 7-1 "Cyborg" the fight she and dedicated MMA fans have wanted since 2008.

The real story and appeal of the fight extends beyond satisfying the fans, or Santos facing the biggest challenge of her Mixed Martial Arts career. The fight is of undeniable historical significance and importance; the fight will not only crown a Champion (at 145 pounds), but is the first time in American history that a women's fight has headlined a Mixed Martial Arts event. The fight headlines not just any event, but a televised event, hosted by Showtime.

Carano vs. Santos is also the first women's MMA bout to have the standard rules of Mixed Martial Arts bouts. For some incoherent reason, women competitors were always limited to 3-minute rounds. Years of complaints from competitors, fans and commentators alike finally reached a fever-inducing pitch, and StrikeForce finally grants Carano and Santos the normal, equal and well-deserved 5-minute rounds.

If the main event opportunity and equality in rules wasn't alluring enough, Carano vs. Santos will finally crown a Champion in a division on the verge of bursting wide open in quantity and exposure. Although Carano always remains modest and flattered about the "face" label, she has a chance to lend even more credence to the popular conception. Beating the very tough and intimidating Santos will certainly reaffirm the "face" label bestowed upon her, but wearing the belt will silence all doubts and catapult Carano even higher in status and value. Santos, on the other hand, has a chance to extinguish the flames surrounding Carano, while astronomically propelling her own status and value overnight.

The biggest chance and opportunity is what Carano and Santos are fighting for in the first place: equality and a visible place in the Mixed Martial Arts realm. Carano and Santos can prove once again that women are just as capable, focused and tough enough as the men in the sport. Accordingly, Carano and Santos will have the MMA world and (hopefully) the media paying close attention, as they make history. Most importantly, Carano vs. Santos can do for Women's MMA what Forrest Griffin vs. Stephan Bonnar did for the UFC and the Ultimate Fighter reality television series in 2005: gain acceptance, pave the way for other and future competitors, and usher in the long-overdue recognition and popularity for a movement ready to change television and sports forever.

May Women's Mixed Martial Arts prosper!

Pondering, Purpose & Porn Fail.

Leisure, tans and that sand-in-the-toes shit embodies the summers of most sane individuals. My summer is embodied by constant pondering. I ponder various things, particularly the conundrum, "exactly how the fuck will I use this fresh, pesky Bachelor's in English" If you believe I've solved the conundrum, you clearly did not major in English, which means you are 10 times wiser than the fool whose "work" (if you can really call it that) you (for some reason) are reading.


But, with a few FaceBook associates starting up blogs, and Liberty isn't Free! Don't Tread on Me! now revolving (and rightly so) around Chris Lewis' 2010 campaign, I might as well throw my aging grey "Snoogans" skull cap in the ring. Qualculus will put that degree to minor and occasionally productive use, though the effort is free of charge. Maybe I should look up how to make money allowing ads on here... assuming it is not another slither of bullshit, among the Internet's endless capacity of bullshit.

My own slither of bullshit will contain a few shit's and fuck's being tossed around like dollars for strippers. But, some strippers are pretty, so you should give them a couple of dollars for the show and/or for a "dollar lap dance." Glorifying strippers is what scientists deem "politically incorrect," but it won't be the last "politically incorrect" piece you read from me. I never care about fitting in a "PC" mold; I'm the bastard child of eloquence and vulgarity's unfortunate fornication. Besides, the only difference between my glorification and a politician's glorification is my disinterest in hiding the glorification. Strippers make an honest living, so why disrespect and/or self-righteously shun those working girls (and guys)? We can't all be lawyers, doctors, businessmen/women and ultimate FaceBook warriors.

My own slither of bullshit will also come in various stenches. One entry might have a Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing and/or Kickboxing stench. Another might have a political stink, which may or may not be worse than the smell of Delaware. Then, a certain slither might have that academically-routine current event~!! write up, where I react to what happens. Be warned that an event could range from religion bullshit, a scandel or something completely bizarre, and my reaction may or may not agree with your reaction. Hell, one might absolutely stink of something WTF worthy, like not beating Kintaro half-frustration, or how much I love Dolph Lundgren as the Punisher. The random "frustration" will always be very half-hearted, because I generally do not give a shit about much; Hakuna Matata!

But, something I do give a shit about is Porn Fail, a swirling vortex of visual porn- and sex-related bloopers, hilarity and general fails. I visit it daily, and always get some LOLZ out of it. Be forewarned, because Porn Fail is NOT for those who lack a sense (perhaps even twisted) of humor, are easily offended by things which exceed their own idea of "normal" human function and are trapped in the quicksand of a high moral ground.

Fortunately, I'm pretty hard to offend.