The Keyboard Warrior Guide: 10 Common Traits of a "Hardcore" MMA Fan

If you watch and enjoy the Ultimate Fighting Championship whenever it is on cable television, you are considered a "casual" fan, and likely identify the sport as simply "Ultimate Fighting." The casual fan enjoys the ultimate (no pun intended) evolution of combat, as commentator Joe Rogan frequently cites that "Martial Arts has evolved more in the years following 1993 than in the preceding 700 years." The casual fan appreciates that ALL methods and styles of combat are welcome, bar a few tactics (biting, hair-pulling, eye-gouging, etc.). The casual fan is familiar with the fighters in the UFC, whether the fan knows a fighter by name, or simply recognizes the fighter's face (and tattoos). More times than not, the casual fan is not familiar with too many fighters outside of the UFC, and is completely oblivious to the sport's community outside of the UFC.

The oblivion has its benefits and detriments. The primary detriment is the lack of broad understanding, namely in that the sport is NOT called "Ultimate Fighting." While the UFC deserves infinite credit for establishing and popularizing the sport on American soil (as well as in other countries), the sport's name is Mixed Martial Arts. Casual fans are not entirely at fault, because most media outlets and those completely unaware of the sport also improperly refer to the sport as "Ultimate Fighting" rather than "Mixed Martial Arts."

Another detriment is the unfamiliarity with faces outside of the UFC. While the UFC hosts a significant amount of the world's best, there are world-class fighters hosted elsewhere, and they unfortunately go unmentioned on ESPN and other media outlets. The world-class fighters who do NOT fight under the UFC's massive and impressive umbrella include Fedor Emelianenko, Nick Diaz, Gegard Mousasi, Melvin Manhouf, Shinya Aoki, Jake Shields, Mike Brown, Ronaldo "Jacare" Souza, Hayato "Mach" Sakurai, Cristiane "Cyborg" Santos, Tatsuya Kawajiri, Paulo Filho, Norifumi "KID" Yamamoto, Miguel Torres, Renato "Babalu" Sobral, Eddie Alvarez and Jason "Mayhem" Miller. The casual fans should Wikipedia the aforementioned, as the unawareness is a true detriment.

What isn't a detriment for the casual fans is the unfamiliarity with the world wide web-class keyboard warriors. Deeming themselves "hardcore" fans, the 8-finger fighters rule the Internet forums (namely Sherdog), and are often caricatures, rather than characters. The fanatics detest the casual fan base, but not nearly as much as they detest how huge the UFC grows (and borderline monopolizing) year by year. Although the "hardcore" community understands and love the entire sport, their signature views and butt-hurt rants are often jaded by the UFC for one reason or the other.

Therefore, and for the benefit of the casual fans, Qualculus. presents the ten prevalent views, signature catchphrases and the subjects of the keyboard warrior's butt-hurt rants. Of course, the author assumes the full risk of hand-to-keyboard black belts assaulting him with some of the same finger-attacks ripped apart in the list.

Casual fans are encouraged to use this list as a guide/disclaimer, especially if one decides (for one insane reason or the other) to jump into the MMA forum arena.

10. Dana White and the UFC killed PRIDE!
Nothing is more inaccurate, incorrect, inherently jaded and flat-out full of shit than this pitiful battle cry. Not all hardcore fans actually spout this hunk of rhetorical diarrhea, but the PRIDE Fighting Championships portion of the hardcore fans cling to the idea as much as right-wingers (according to President Soetoro) "cling to their guns and religion."

PRIDE killed themselves. They were in bed with the Yakuza, and once the reality of that affair surfaced in the media, television stations wanted nothing to do with PRIDE. Dana White and Zuffa (the parent company of the UFC and World Extreme CageFighting) purchased the assets and rights to PRIDE Fighting Championships, but their efforts to continue running the promotion (something the keyboard warriors often overlook) as an entity separate were futile. Dana White asserts "they don't want us there. They don't want me there."

Despite the lukewarm reception in Japan, PRIDE Fighting Championships WILL return in January... on television, anyway. Spike TV, the primary broadcasting home of the UFC, will begin airing the much-anticipated "Best of PRIDE" series. The series showcases the PRIDE battles involving current UFC fighters, along with the warriors (including Fedor Emelianenko) who are not currently waging war in the Octagon. The "Best of PRIDE" series will be a great source for the casual fans to learn more about the sport, specifically in familiarizing themselves with a few non-UFC fighters.



9. "Rickson by arm bar," and other random, irrelevant phrases.
Some phrases are actually really funny.... the first 100 times they were used. The phrases are used in a conversation when someone has absolutely nothing of value to contribute, and the phrase is more of a "look at me" mechanism. But, "Rickson by arm bar" is the most popular irrelevant phrase.

The phrase is in homage to Rickson Gracie, who is (arguably) the best Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practitioner in the entire Gracie Jiu-Jitsu family. The phrase references the result of Rickson's two fights against pro-wrestler Nobuhiko Takada in PRIDE Fighting Championships; Rickson submitted Takada in the first round via arm bar at PRIDE.1 and PRIDE.4.

The use of the phrases is not necessarily a bad thing, by any means. The use is just incredibly annoying, and (more times than not) makes absolutely no sense to the topic of conversation.



8. "LOL TUF SUX! LOL!"
Because nothing proves someone is an informed and "real" MMA fan more than dogging a show that introduced Forrest Griffin, Diego Sanchez, Kenny Florian, Mike Swick, Josh Koscheck, Marcus Davis, Rashad Evans, Joe Stevenson, Ed Herman, Nate Diaz, Manvel Gamburyan, Joe Lauzon, Gray Maynard, George Sotiropoulos, Matt Brown, Jesse Taylor, Effrain Escadero, Eliot Marshall, Krzysztof Soszynski, James Wilks and Roy "Big Country" Nelson to the mainstream audience.

The show is guilty of showcasing the antics and egos of Chris Leben, Junie Browning, Jeremy May, Mac Danzig, Michael Bisping, Kalib Starnes, Richie Hightower and War Machine. The show also committed the nearly-unforgiveable crime of showcasing Gabe Ruediger. Despite the guilt and unspeakable crime of Gabe Ruediger, the positives outweigh the negatives: the audience learns about hungry, aspiring fighters like Rashad Evans and Roy Nelson, and the show completely dispels the myth that ANYONE can compete in Mixed Martial Arts. The show demonstrates the intensive physical regimen and training necessary for survival in the complex sport. Most importantly, the show demonstrates the importance of the mind in sports. The mind is especially important in Mixed Martial Arts; if a fighter isn't mentally prepared, the fighter will break during a fight, and will lose. On the other hand, a fighter who can train his/her mind as well as his/her body and technique will not break during the fight, and has the best chance of winning.

The in-house antics are MTV-ish, but it also proves that fighters are just like everyone else: HUMAN. The keyboard warriors would do some of the same exact things, if they were in the same situation. The situation is complete isolation for an entire month, as 16 fighters live in a house, and have absolutely no contact whatsoever with anyone outside of the house and the gym. No friends, no family and no significant others. Pretty easy to criticize behind a keyboard.

The show also reinvigorated the careers of Patrick Cote, Scott Smith, Chris Lytle and Matt Serra. Most importantly, it produced Forrest Griffin vs. Stephan Bonnar I, considered by many as the greatest UFC fight of all-time. The fight, along with the series, is also credited as one of the reasons why the sport finally gained mainstream acceptance in America.

Yeah, the Ultimate Fighter definitely "sux," huh?

7. UFC should co-promote w/ M-1 & prove there the best!
Believe it or not, some hardcore MMA fans can't distinguish between "there," "their" and "they're." Shocking!

Common business-sense is not a strong point for the keyboard warriors either, as they feel the biggest promotion in all of Mixed Martial Arts should share half of its profits and advertising with a completely unknown company who (aside from Gegard Mousasi) only offers ONE fighter in Fedor Emelianenko.

The proposition gets even better, as said company offers to help advertise and book venues for the MMA giant, even though the upcoming M-1 "Breakthrough" event wasn't recognized/approved by the California State Athletic Commission (CSAC), and was promptly moved to a 4,000 seat arena in Alabama. Yes, the UFC definitely needs help booking venues and advertising by a completely unknown company!

Of course, the co-promotion fiasco is the exact reason Fedor unfortunately isn't fighting in the octagon, despite the offer of big money, completely Sambo freedom and full permission for Fedor to wear as much M-1 Global swag as he wished on all broadcasts.

But, if you ask the warriors, the biggest Mixed Martial Arts promotion in the world needs to prove "there the best" to a promotion who can't even book a steady event on American soil.


6. BJ lost because....
BJ Penn is the greatest Lightweight the sport will ever see. This isn't sensationalist, opinionated journalism. This isn't journalism period! BJ's career in the Lightweight division more than supports the claim, and the rest of his career will support the claim.

However, BJ Penn is also the subject of endless excuses from the hardcore fan base. BJ has lost to Jens Pulver, Lyoto Machida, Georges St.-Pierre and Matt Hughes... and fans have an explanation for every single loss. Jens Pulver wasn't the better fighter that night; BJ was a victim of not being prepared. Lyoto Machida wasn't the better fighter that night; BJ was just outsized, even though he was on a world tour of every weight class (bar Heavyweight) without criticism. Matt Hughes wasn't the better fighter that night; BJ just wasn't properly conditioned, and thus, couldn't overcome Matt Hughes' farm boy strength. Georges St.-Pierre wasn't the better fighter on either night; BJ just wasn't properly conditioned, and/or Pierre's grease gave him an unforgettable beating, a concussion and completely wore him out.

To be fair, fans can make a case for the second loss to St.-Pierre, as the grease indisputably disadvantaged some of BJ's world-class Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu techniques. But, Georges St.-Pierres' gloves were not lubed up with grease when he was punching BJ so badly in the face for 4 rounds that BJ cannot remember the fight.

Fighters lose, no matter how good or bad they are. Excuses aren't necessary for a loss. A great fighter is occasionally not the better fighter on some nights, which is what forces that same fighter to come back better than ever. BJ came back from the second loss to Georges St-Pierre, and submitted Kenny Florian in the fourth round at UFC 101: Declaration.

That is exactly what makes BJ Penn a great fighter, and the greatest Lightweight fighter the sport will ever see.


5. Dana White is greedy, and only cares about making money!
Every time someone utters this, the world's smallest violins are heard playing somewhere off in the distance. Right off the bat, calling someone "greedy" is one of the most cowardly things one will ever hear, and is a common trait of the modern "girly man." In addition, lambasting someone as "greedy" is a Socialist/Communist trait. Any individual in any industry who can make a lot of money, especially in the current economy, deserves praise and respect. The praise and respect should pay tenfold, if the individual makes money off something he/she is very passionate about.

Dana has made ship loads of cash off the UFC, but has worked tirelessly to legalize the sport in the United States, and the sport is now legal in (approximately) 39 of the 50 United States. If his efforts continue to succeed, New York will finally legalize Mixed Martial Arts, and an event in Madison Square Garden would be monumental for the sport.

Yes, Dana White is the brash owner who puts his foot in his mouth from time to time, unnecessarily trashes world-class talent not under the UFC's umbrella and uses the word "fuck" more than any Rapper ever will. But, who else works to establish the sport in the United States, as well as in England, Ireland, Canada and other Countries (including Mexico) in the future?

The efforts makes money, and rightfully so. But, the sport as a whole will benefit from Dana and the Fertittas' efforts of further legalization and mainstream acceptance.


4. Everything is better in Japan.
Ironically, Japanese wrestling fans also have this attitude. Whether it is the ring, the rules or the Superbowl-like presentation, some of the hardcore community's most elite keyboard warriors wants everyone to believe EVERYTHING about the sport is better in Japan.

They couldn't be any more wrong. Mixed Martial Arts in Japan and Mixed Martial Arts in America are apples and oranges.

But, both taste delicious, so why pick one over the other? Enjoy both.


3. LOL, your a TUF n00b!
One of the signature responses from an 8-finger fighter, if they read something they don't agree with. Other signature responses include "ROFL your a UFC nuthugger," and the always intellectual "how does Dana's nuts taste in yer mouth OMG LOL."

Again, you'll notice "your" was used rather than "you're." Some of the World Wide Web's Undisputed Keyboard Heavyweight Champions of the entire Galaxy have as much difficulty distinguishing between "your" and "you're" as much as they do "there," "their" and "they're." Most human beings learn how to distinguish between these forms in the second grade, but never underestimate these humanoids' willingness and inclination to check his/her brain out of the equation to trash someone they disagree with.

In short, talking to those who use such responses is as effective as the short-lived Cash for Clunkers program.


2. Brock Lesnar (& other Pro Wrestlers) is bad for the sport!!
Brock Lesnar has (at least) one thing in common with Kazushi Sakuraba, Dan Severn, Ken Shamrock, Josh Barnett, Naoya Ogawa, Don Frye, Tank Abbott, Kevin Randleman, Oleg Taktarov, Frank Shamrock, Katsuyori Shibata, Mark Coleman and Bob Sapp: they have all wrestled professionally. The only difference is, Brock Lesnar is guilty of being one of the biggest and most successful names in pro-wrestling history. Because Brock is a former WWE and IWGP Heavyweight Champion, he is far guiltier than Josh Barnett, who is often and specifically introduced as "a pro wrestler" in fight introductions.

The biggest gripe fans have with Lesnar is his showmanship, nevermind the fact that the sport has been littered with and partially survives off charismatic fighters. While fighters like Tito Ortiz, Pat Smith, Kimo, Georges St.-Pierre, Shinya Aoki and Yoshihiro Akiyama are given a pass, Lesnar is still hated. While knocking your company's sponser is never the brightest of ideas, his personality, attitude and skills puts asses in the seats, eyes in front of the TV, interests the media in the sport and makes money. Moreover, Lesnar is one of the up-and-coming fighters who are rejuvenating the UFC's Heavyweight division, which has always been very, very dry and in need of depth.

Wrestlers are arguably some of the most dominant competitors in Mixed Martial Arts, and Lesnar is a proven world-class amateur wrestler. Lesnar's stand-up game is suspect, but so is Matt Hughes', and yet Hughes is one of the most dominant champions of all-time. Anyone who overlooks and doubts Brock Lesnar's capabilities as a fighter isn't thinking, or is just completely jaded that a pro-wrestler is having a lot of success in only five fights thus far.

Ironically, a pro-wrestler headlined and put butts in the seat for the first PRIDE Fighting Championships event, as Nobuhiko Takada fought Rickson Gracie. Takada also headlined PRIDE.4, competed in the 2000 World Grand Prix and remained a permanent figurehead in the promotion after retirement. I guess pro-wrestlers weren't bad for the sport then, were they?


1. Fedor is teh best fighter ever! Nobody can beat him. NOBODY!!
Fedor Emelianenko's status as the #1 Heavyweight in the world is unquestionable. During his tenure in PRIDE Fighting Championships, Fedor beat a who's-who of Heavyweights in the sport, and never lost the Heavyweight crown. As of this writing, Fedor also holds 7 victories over 5 former UFC Heavyweight Champions.

However, Fedor is as adored, idolized, worshipped and deified by the hardcore fanbase as Michael Jackson suddenly is again by the media. In listening to the fanbase, one would think Fedor is Kryptonian, walks on water, can turn water in wine and levitates at will. Anyone who dares to even slightly question the holy Fedor risks an e-Crucifixion, a barrage of the aforementioned keyboard warrior remarks and ironic accusations of "nut-huggery."

Fedor will go down in Mixed Martial Arts history as one of the best ever, but the keyboard warriors' insistance on citing him as the all-time best because of his barely-blemished record is futile. If competing without a blemish in fighting measures the all-time greatest, then Rocky Marciano and Jimmy Barry would be ranked above Muhammad Ali and Joe Louis. If having blemishes on one's record disqualified them from all-time best consideration, then Anderson Silva, Georges St.-Pierre, Miguel Torres and BJ Penn wouldn't be considered for a second.

Legitimate defeat remains to be seen, but Fedor is not invincible, and can be defeated. Mark Hunt and Andrei Arlovski have "humanized" the Last Emperor, and a world full of hungry Heavyweights are salivating at an opportunity to humanize Fedor.

If defeat ever comes, every Mixed Martial Arts forum will likely implode.